A Calming Banana Is the Solution to a Child Punching the Teacher in the Face? No.
In this video, Dr. Justin Baeder discusses why a parent sending a banana to school after their child punched a teacher reflects a broader failure in accountability for student behavior.
Key Takeaways
- The banana response was completely inadequate - After their child punched a teacher and broke his glasses, the parents sent a banana instead of apologizing or offering to pay for damages
- Addressing triggers doesn't replace personal responsibility - While hunger can affect behavior, teaching children to make appropriate choices regardless of circumstances is essential
- Students with disabilities must still learn accountability - Personal responsibility for actions is critical for long-term success and safety in society
- This pattern extends beyond one incident - The 'banana solution' represents a broader problem where parents focus on preventing triggers rather than teaching behavioral choices
Transcript
Have you heard about the calming banana?
I saw this tweet going viral today from a teacher who was punched in the face by a male student, broke his glasses, and he emailed the parents to let them know.
I assume this is a student with an IEP.
I assume there's a disability involved because the student apparently is coming right back to school.
The parents' response was not, oh, I'm so sorry.
Oh, I understand if you don't want to work with our son anymore.
Oh, let us pay for your glasses.
Oh, are you okay?
Their response was, oh, we're going to send him to school with a banana in case he gets hungry.
on the bus ride over and hopefully that can interrupt this pattern of behavior.
And I have to stop myself and think for a minute, like how do we get to this point as a society where the parent thinks not how can I make this right with the teacher, not who should I make the check out to, not oh, I'm so sorry that this happened, but let's be on the same page that the banana is the solution to this problem.
Like on what planet is a banana a solution to the problem?
Not just for like tomorrow, but in life.
Are you going to pin your kid's freedom from incarceration or worse, on the availability of a banana.
Like, really, is the banana the solution here?
And I get it, like, yes, being hungry can affect your behavior, but you know what else affects your behavior?
Your choices, right?
We have to focus on the choices that kids are making because that is the part that they control.
That is the part that they can take with them.
You're not always going to have a banana in life to pin your good behavior on, right?
Like you're not going to always be rescued by the banana.
And like ultimately the banana is not the problem here.
The being slightly hungry does not make you punch someone.
And if it might slightly increase your likelihood of punching someone, you got to get control over that.
And as a parent, you've got to realize that that is where your main opportunity lies is not to prevent these situations from occurring, but to raise your kid in such a way, like, to whatever extent you can, that they don't do things like this.
And I have to wonder what kind of advice these parents have been getting that that's their thinking, that, like, a banana is the solution to their child assaulting adults at school.
Like, In what gentle parenting, Ross Green, collaborative problem solving nonsense, bizarro world universe is a banana a good solution to this?
Like the fact that this is where their thinking goes, the fact that they don't seem self-conscious about how bananas that thinking is.
speaks to just the prevalence of this problem.
And the teacher's point here that like a lot of people are not going into teaching because of stuff like this, I think he's exactly right.
I think we've also got to ask ourselves as parents, like, how did we get our own thinking here to this point where our response is not to write a check for the glasses and apologize and try to make it up to the teacher and try to find a way to make sure this never happens again, but to just use the banana basically as an excuse.
Like, oh, it's an unmet need.
Oh, if our kid had only had a banana, he wouldn't have punched you in the face.
When did we lose sight of the fact that behavior is a personal responsibility, even for students with disabilities?
That's the thing.
Like, we don't want to give consequences and punish kids for things that they don't have any control over, but I don't think it's healthy to say that this student does not have any control over their behavior, right?
Like, I need that kid, you know, if this is my kid, I need my kid to grow up and be capable of making decisions about how to act that don't endanger them and don't endanger others.
other people.
So again, there are a lot of details we don't have about this situation, but let me know what you think about the calming banana.