Why I Don't Waste Energy Complaining About Parents
In this video, Dr. Justin Baeder explains why he focuses on what schools can control rather than spending energy blaming parents for student behavior.
Key Takeaways
- We can't control parents - Complaining about parenting doesn't improve school outcomes
- Focus on what we can control - Schools should direct energy toward effective instruction, discipline, and support systems
- This isn't excusing parents - Acknowledging that we can't change families is pragmatic, not permissive
Transcript
A lot of people in the comments on my videos about violence at school have blamed parents and have said, you know, if parents would do a better job, if parents would take responsibility and teach their kids how to act and hold them accountable and things like that, then we wouldn't have the problems we're having at school.
And obviously, parenting matters a great deal.
Like, it is no secret, it is no mystery that parenting...
matters a great deal for how a kid does in school, how a kid turns out.
I mean, it's inarguable that parenting matters.
But as a public school educator, it has never seemed worthwhile to me to sit around blaming parents.
Like parents just kind of are what they are.
They're outside of our control.
And do we wish we could give some kids better parents?
Yes, absolutely.
But I don't really know what we do with that.
Like I don't really have an action item that I want to pursue based on know my concerns about parents like it just kind of is a you know a given that some kids have parents that are that are not going to do a great job with them that are not going to hold them accountable that are not going to model well for them and i think a lot of what we're seeing in schools is a result of modeling so i don't want to like downplay that at all i just don't know what difference it makes for us at school because often we are working at cross purposes with parents we are trying to teach one set of behaviors and values at school that allows students to be successful in school and students are getting kind of contradictory messages at home.
And, you know, like, again, I don't want to deny that that is the case, but I also don't think it's worth really dwelling on or complaining about because it's always going to be the case.
And I think we've got to look at the factors that we can control.
And those factors are limited, but they're not zero.
And they have power.
They have potential power, but they don't have infinite power.
and that leaves us in a difficult place when it comes to dealing with behavior because we do lots of things like progressive discipline that don't really quote unquote work like progressive discipline doesn't prevent the behavior from ever occurring again but nothing else does either like there's no magic bullet for behavior and for for discipline so we have to kind of content ourselves with some things that maybe protect the school environment a little bit, even if they don't successfully help the student make permanent changes.
And it's very frustrating to us as educators that we want to set up all of our students for success, and we know that often it is parents who are getting in the way.
But I think we just have to kind of recognize that reality and do the best we can, do what we can, even if we, you know, we don't have the full support of parents.
You know, my colleagues when I was a middle school teacher used to joke, you know, sometimes our job seems like it's to help the apple fall a little bit farther from the tree.
And, you know, I'm sure many examples come to mind in your case, but I don't think it's worth complaining about parents.
I don't think it's worth dwelling on it.
I think we've just got to focus on what we can control and set kids up for the maximum success we can.
Let me know what you think.